I think I can’t…
I’m feeling slightly better today. I say “slightly” because I keep having these terrible mood swings. They seem to be more frequent at night when I have a quiet moment to myself. It’s frustrating and I’m thinking of taking one of my Ambien tonight to help me get to sleep…
Moving on…I’m considering turning in an official resignation letter tomorrow. I mean, let’s face it, I’ve been miserable with this new job since day one. I hate to keep bouncing from job to job, but I need to take care of myself.
Did I mention that I expressed to my boss that I was thinking of resigning? Yes, I told her a couple of weeks ago and I got a raise. Nonetheless, I’m still thinking of leaving. It’s nice to have extra cash. However, I wonder if this is the time when I should take a stand and leave a situation that is making me unhappy. Maybe it’s a test??? I don’t know what to do and my husband tells me that I should leave if it’s making me so miserable. *sigh*… Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem–not the job.
Obviously, I am part the problem. I can’t begin to explain how frustrating it is to feel like this. People don’t understand that I can’t just stop the mood swings and be happy. I look back a few months, when I first got out of the hospital, and I was so happy. It was the most wonderful feeling and I would love to be back in that place. Hmm…maybe being off of my medication and not going to therapy has caused me to drift back to where I am now? I know it’s part of the reason, but I’m still in denial.
This is what depression does… Once it takes hold, it doesn’t let go easily.
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Depression eats you, it doesn’t let you.
we try, we hope, we pray.
we believe it will get better.
hang in there
I know what you mean
Each time I sit down to do some work I just want to cry…even though I used to love it.
Now I’m begining to hate cooking…and I used to love it…now its just like everything I do is wrong…
I feel that I have been making big steps though..I’m almost a week with out saddness…but now its anger and that is really bad…but I’m sure I’ll get through that too.
I wish you hope and love
I’ve been working with meditantment have you tried it? Maybe your not ready for it…maybe you are…I had to really hate my depression so much I wanted to kill it. And now I feel I’ve found the reasons why I’m sort of at peace and with more work I can move on…
Hey don’t stop blogging! What was it like in the psych hospital? I was in one as a kid and it was a horrid, evil place, but I always wondered if adult places are better… like actually therapeutic. Sometimes I wish I could go to one… but no matter how bad I get, I wouldn’t even know how to GO ABOUT checking myself in and explaining to everyone why!