Unfilteredme’s Weblog

Insist on yourself; never imitate

I feel cheated…

I’ve been very busy this week. It’s been sort of a tough transition for me to go from not working for a full three months to getting up early every morning and having a full day of work. I like my new job; however, I’m hating the reality of it. I’m not sure if that makes any sense. Anyway, I feel like I was sort of cheated and roped into accepting this position. I work a full eight hours and we don’t really have time for breaks.  I only get about 10-15 minutes to sit down and quickly eat my lunch. In between that eating, if the phone rings, or someone asks me to do something, I have to do it. I really feel like this is something they should have made more clear to me. It upsets me and I don’t know if I just need to stop complaining and accept it.  I feel like I don’t have an understanding of “the real world”…  I should get over it and stop complaining…

In other news, I have been so emotional lately. I still haven’t gotten around to taking my medicine or even calling in my prescriptions. So, as I sit and type this, I will call in every single one of my prescriptions. I will have my husband pick them up and then I will force myself to take them. Well, just my luck… The line is busy.

Back to me being emotional… My emotions have been all over the place. At times, suicidal thoughts pop into my head. At other times, like when I’m at work, I am bubbly and I don’t feel like I’m faking it.

I haven’t seen my therapist, psychiatrist, or gotten my thyroid checked out like I’m supposed to. I keep making excuses for myself and I don’t know why. I feel so tired… I’m avoiding phone calls, people, everything… I don’t know what has me so afraid.

September 30, 2007 - Posted by | apprehension, boredom, change, chronic illness, confusion, cymbalta, depression, distance, dying, fear, free, guilt, hurt, identity, jobs, liars, life, loneliness, lonely, love, marriage, mental illness, missing, moving, moving on, people, quiet, sadness, search, searching, suicide, therapist, therapy, working, worry

2 Comments »

  1. maybe you’re afraid of the life waiting for you after you get better? sometimes we feel so safe in our safe place, in this shell if you want to call it that, that we are afraid that if we do take our medication and we get better, that life will be…well what will life be like?

    We need to get over that. You have to look after YOU. Just like you would look after anyone else. Look after yourself, treat yourself, love yourself, you deserve it sis!

    Medication + therapist should be high on your to-do list. Keep trying, don’t avoid it, things will just get worse emotionally for you. When you stop your medication you could get withdrawal symptoms which are worse than the actually symptoms themselves!

    You need to get that sorted out and take life one step at a time. And if you don’t like anything at work, let them know, don’t let them walk all over you. You are entitled to a half an hour break, isn’t that the law over there? If I were you, I’d google up your employement rights, to see where you stand, you’ll feel empowered, believe me.

    Your’e in my prayers sweetie.

    Comment by Unique Muslimah | September 30, 2007

  2. Maybe you could ask your husband to “hold your hand” while you make these calls, appts, and go with him to get the RX’s. Sometimes, when you are down it seems nearly impossible to get motivated – Sometimes, we just need that extra push. Don’t be afraid to ask for help during this difficult time. It’ll get better if you follow your doctors advice. You just may need a little encouragement from your loved ones.

    Comment by Bella | October 3, 2007


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